Bestie happy mail !!

Today started out with tears and pain. Feelings of failure ran abundant, they actually still do but have been granted a temporary reprieve. Cue knock on the door, car driving away. Mailman with delivery. Happy Mail. Bundle of joyful bliss. Eye candy. What my bestie doesn't realize is that she has given me much more than she realizes. First, she gave me a  hug and love by including pictures of three incredible boys. Second, she gave me a gift for my birthday, an exquisite calendar with handpaintings dedicated to friendship complete with handmade card. Third, she doesn't realize this but I hoard colorful, wonderful objects to use in my book of days. I will be able to do such wonderful pieces centered around this gift and that makes me really happy.

But so much more than all of that, she gave me a life raft. She reminded me that I am blessed.

Art Meditation

Art meditation has been healing for me. This Book of Days has been downright cathartic. Even with the constant pain in my hands, I still find myself drawn to the art , the color, the peace. I sit at my table and just feel. I don't plan, I don't think, I just do. I just am. I listen to my heart... I feel the colors and everything just happens. I am learning to just completely let go and let the art find its way and I am loving it.  It makes my spirit soar to allow the art to happen.

My healing Goddess was in full play today. She knows that I want to heal. I am starting to wonder if I  need to heal in a different way. She is trying to teach me acceptance of the disease and I am fighting tooth and nail. I want to wake up tomorrow and be healed but instead its just more pain. Goddess of Healing would like me to choose another path.  I have to learn this path.. I have to accept this path.

Now comes the hard part.

Wrinkled life

Wrinkled life
seem to be
the recurring theme
at the end of the week.
After a world of happiness
on my birthday
Life crashed once again
More doctors
More tests
More bad news
Even the Book of Days
wrinkled up
and made me sad.
Time to stop
Time to rest
Time with hubby
In the end
We will always have
Midnight in Paris.

42 and counting

These days feel like I am on the downward spiral of life. I know that sounds depressing but its honest, and its how I feel. With all the meds and all the physical problems, I don't know how long I will live or the quality of life I will have. For that reason, I am completely aware of my birthday..completely aware of being alive today.

My book of days spread for yesterday and today are two different mindsets. Yesterday I was having an Eeyore kind of day. I was mopey, depressed, very sad and didn't want to leave my blankets. I, indeed, felt as though my tail had fallen off. I slept most of the day then I went to bed early.

Today has been different... been happier.... I have had much love showered upon me and I am blessed.

Make time to play

Today was Monday's Book of Days Spread...I wasn't going to let my pain get to me so I decided to do a tip-in using an incredibly inspiring piece of art from my dear friend, MotherHenna. I have received new distress inks and I had to use them. I am happy with how it turned out, I even distressed MotherHenna's piece of art and love how it makes it look coffee stained...

I must remember to play.

Just Be

Recent turns in friends' lives have prompted me to be rather vocal which has in turned sparked a debate. I believe that us, as a human race, should be more compassionate, more empathetic. When a person has an internal struggle and chooses to share it, in my most humble opinion, I feel we should just listen. We should allow them to be , just be. Whether it be sadness, anger, happiness, angst...just let them be. Don't tell them to count their blessings, be grateful for what they have or it could be worse.  Just hold their hand, listen to their heart and just let them be.

My mood has been all over the place. Art has certainly helped me get through some dark times. Off my soapbox and onto my Book of Days....much love to everyone.

Finding spunk through pain

I have said it.. I have screamed it.. my friends know..hell people who don't know me know it.. I am fucking sick of this pain. I understand I have a disease. I have accepted that but this is ridiculous. We are in the year 2012, pain should be controlled and if its not, your doctor isn't doing something right.

Ugg...well the pain was prominent, is prominent...thankfully my hubby got me out of the house and we went to Menards, midwest home store. I need to use a wheelchair when I am out and my son finds great fun in pushing me, ummmmm zooming me around stores.

My eye caught the paint supply department and of course my artist heart went nuts. They have packing tape in colors. COLORS. PRINTS. This is so freaking cool. I decided to do my Book of Days spread in this tape. My hands hurt so it didn't turn out like I would have liked it but I love the tape and that is all that matters today.

All in all.. a good weekend.. My Patriots won. I rested a good deal .  I did some art. Laughed with my hubby and kids. Laughed at the dogs. Got snarky with the Golden Globes. Saw Johnny Depp on the award show. Great weekend despite the pain.

Without further ado... monday spread.

80's Glam

Duran Duran, Van Halen, Tears for Fears, stirrup pants, big hair...the list goes on and on. As an 80's girl, and one whose inner child still resides inside of her...well I couldn't resist the new 80's glam Sharpie Markers. I was so excited to see the vibrant colors. Made me want to get out my cassette tapes and jump around.

These days, Crohn's is stopping me from physically jumping but my inner child was all over this... I had my music going, both on my phone and in my head... and sat down with my Book of Days. I was also psyched about my new glitter paint...wonderful wonderful heartful art supplies...makes me happy.

I used watercolors, glitter paint, pencils to sketch my glam girl and the new sharpies to color her in. I know I am on my downhill spin, so I went ahead and cheated. I used a tip in for tomorrows spread. I had to use the Sharpie material because it was so damn cool.... I glittered it up, wrote down some reflections. I also took the time to prepare some future pages since I know my injection day is coming up..but you can bet I will be thinking of my book of days every day...even when I am sleeping !!

Hazards of Mosaic....and lots of laughter

Learning to mosaic today....I had my head bent down so long
gluing pieces that I didn't see this guy latch on...LOL.. hazards
of arting. I was laughing so hard ..

So today was fun.. I think my lesson from today has to be
to drop perfection. I have to drop comparing myself to others
because I feel that is hindering me, not helping me...I am having fun
with Effy's class.. love shabbification...love to learn..this book
of days has been a way to release my pain.... and use
it for art... which is always a good thing...

Book of Days first week

This was my first go at this... and well still don't have the
hang of it...markers smeared, ink was ruined...LOL..learning day 

Well this was just the day from hell... couldn't get anything
blended...felt awful.. tried to have a good day but turns out
you can't make yourself have a good day. Today I spilled gesso
down the wall..lit part of my book on fire and lost a cap to the
alcohol inks...oi vey... bad day.

Today was a good day and I am happy. Today is my grandmom's
92nd birthday..she taught me spunk, she gave me spirit, she taught
me to fight when the world keeps kicking you.... she is my hero. I
miss her so much every day...this picture...so funny..she is dressed as a
flapper, smoking a cigarette , showing leg... it was her signature
trademark...my grandmom.. the original spunk girl.

BOD- inside cover and new year spread

Inside cover of altered book..letter to 2011 and secret pocket
for letter to 2012

Well.. this was just plain fun. This was the New Year spread.