Oh lovely spring !!

Desperately trying to find joy in everything. Haven't been able to art in days and that is not very joyful. But I have had plenty of moments of joy. My husbands celebration of Valentine's Day with lovely flowers, chocolate and donuts. MMMMMM.... We came home from a doctor's appt to my lovely daughter who arranged candy hearts in love, homemade cards and gifts. The sun has come out..which is lovely. A beautiful cardinal came to visit. This spread is dedicated to Spring and all its loveliness

Joy in Pain

Today brought happy mail. Today brought joy. Today made me realize that joy becomes so vibrant on the days where pain is minimal. It  made me think about my days that aren't so good. Sometimes the pain makes me forget that I do find joy in each day. I can find silly things in each and every mundane task. I am quirky that way. Family always tells me that I have an odd sense of humor. Oddly, it is that same sense of humor that has saved me from going over the edge this past ten years .

Today, I felt such joy in making my journal page today. My hands felt okay, my heart was spirited, it was snowing and it was just all good.  It was a wonderful day to do a joyful spread.

Happy Day...

Happy day
Arting Day

Just keep Artin'

Disclosure- I am stubborn and I don't learn, I need to repeat constantly.....

It would seem these last few weeks, my hand pain has been increasing....it is getting harder and harder to get myself to do art. I love doing art so this is breaking my heart...I found out yesterday that I have nerve  damage in my hands and feet and possibly neck. Today I found out that I will probably need surgery. I really don't want surgery.
I really don't like how my art looks today.... its just not coming together. I think I am taking the fun out of it...and somehow I need to put the fun back in. I need to just get back to feeling my art....
Maybe I need to go out , scream at the moon, howl in the wind, throw dishes [ Kara =) ] , fucking cuss up a storm and whip some paint around.
On that note... here are my latest altered pages for my book of days ~

This one is for Effy because I love when she says
You Rock My PopTarts
I had tried to experiment with water colors, fail.
Painted with acrylics, stewart gill and stamps

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Used Inktense watercolors today
followed a prompt  but not feeling it
Not used to water color pencils yet
I do like my art tag... that was fun
I do like my new stamps
and I do like the message
I need to take my own path.
I need to continue reminding myself
because I tend to be stubborn .

Ode to temper tantrums, Effy and art

Had to force myself to do art today... feel as if all life has been zapped out of me.  I know I bitch alot about being sick but it is what it is...I vent. I don't pretend. I don't wear fake masks. There are some days where I can absolutely find joy and love, rainbows and unicorns in the day. And then, here lately it seems often, I feel like the pain has chewed me , swallowed and spit me out. I envision myself this crumpled mess.

It has now been over two years since the doctors first diagnosed me with Crohn's...two years of people telling me I will wake up better, two years of people telling me to pray harder, eat healthier, laugh often, take more pills, take more vitamins, and the list goes on and on. Truthfully, I wonder if all the people telling me to do something to magically cure me is what has kept me from accepting I have a chronic disease. I imagine one day I will get there but for now... I am bitchy. Truly bitchy. In my true two year old self,I am throwing the epic tantrum of all tantrums.  I no longer wish to be sick. I want to be cured. At the very least, I want the doctors to listen to me, to help me with the excruciating pain that has become my life. Fuck it.

The one thing that has kept me from jumping off that bridge has been art. She saved my life ten years ago when Nora died and she continues to save my life now. Whether it be photography or mixed media, damn I am having fun. Watching this Book of Days come to life has been better than all the infusions, injections and horrible tasting pills. This actually works to lift my spirits.

I don't know if Effy, the wonderful, glittery soul that started Book of Days realizes how much she has helped each of us. Its like the universe just did its job, and put this amazing sisterhood together at a time when we all needed it the most. For that I am grateful. This Book of Days has helped me push through the pain and the depression and produce something that makes me smile.

And really, in the end, that is all that matters.