My first born is graduating next week. Truly, this is a happy, momentous occasion but yet I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I reach out to friends but all I hear in return is that I should be happy. I am happy. I am proud. But I ache.
Next week, on Mother's Day, I will celebrate my first born's graduation from high school. I will celebrate his going to college and moving on to the next phase of his life. I will celebrate I am a mother of 6 beautiful children. I will also mourn that I only have two children to wrap my arms around. I will mourn that Nora will never see her graduation.
I tire of those who tell me to just push those feelings aside because it is my son's day. A mother cannot push her feelings aside, even my son knows this. I will do my best to be brave and put on a smile but I will hurt. I may even cry.
I am crying now.
2 comments:
Very few people -- except those who have embraced the FULL definition of Motherhood -- can understand. Others just simply have no context for understanding the FULL reality we live. It is not happy or sad, black or white. We love ALL our children equally. Your son will have his share of your love and celebration in equal amount to as much as you love the daughter who is dead and who you will not see graduate. Love does not happen mutually exclusive from grief and vice versa. Those who close the doors on you, have no context for understanding it. Aren't they lucky? Let them close the door and go be lucky la la. You have a FULL life to live! Live your life! xoxoxoxoxoox
I see that your art is a great outlet for your sadnesses. Keep nourishing yourself as you acknowledge all aspects of motherhood - the sad and the glad times.
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